


Start Game?

by xCasxtiel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, FTM Dave Strider, Fluff, M/M, Trans Dave Strider
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-30 08:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8526598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xCasxtiel/pseuds/xCasxtiel
Summary: This is basically just Dave Strider telling his story with John.Their idiotic times, their bad times and most importantly: How Dave deals with being Trans and how that affects their relationship.Their ups and downs.The moments they had or just the time they spent.I mean who wouldn't want to know how Dave Strider felt in this whole chaos? In the meantime John brings up his Prankster Gambit and needs to fool Dave a bit.And all this written by Dave. Who even as an adult cannot stop his rambling.





	1. let the start-puns begin

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this!  
> I'd love to hear what you think because I can't get better without criticism :D  
> I am bit of a lazy ass so I'm honest: if the next chapter takes too long just kick my ass so I keep going qwq  
> Tags will be added as soon as they come up!

A start.  
That is what everything needs an has right?  
But what if there is no real "start" to something? I mean when does "being different" start?  
I personally do not know an answer to this. But I want to try to find one.

Mostly, being different starts in our heads. We think someone is different but are they actually different? No they aren't. As Lion King says : "We are one."  
We may look different but in the end we all are humans, we all love and we all hate.  
So you may wonder what this will be about? Be surprised then. This journey will be a rollercoaster and holy god it's gonna be good one.  
So where do we start? See there it is again. The "start" thing. Alright let's get going.

I don't have a date for this but it was sometime in summer when I realised I am "different". Well I personally still don't think I'm different but lets use the common word. I found out I am a boy, a man, a guy, whatever you wanna call it. A male. I was about thirteen back then!  
Yes, yes a late bloomer, haha. What? You're asking why I didn't know my own gender until then? Well can't you guess? I am a Transguy. Born in the wrong body, my own cage, a chick who found out they have the wrong set of genitalia. As before, call it whatever you want even though I'd be thankful if you wouldn't use the last metaphor. It's a bad one.

Hey even I can't come up with thousands of synonyms for everything alright

Okay so now that we got this clear back to the actual story.  
Oh, wait you wanna know my name first?  
Alright. It's Dave. Well, now that we bonded over name sharing and shit let's finally start (I am a genius, look there it is again).  
Where did I leave off? Ah, yeah I was thirteen back then. My friend was actually the one to help me come out of the closet. Funny right? Back then he was still my friend. Now it's.....well it's different. But we will come to that point.  
He is a bubbly nerd and Jesus fucking Christ does he have a bad taste in movies. And clothes. But he is a nerd so what do we expect right. Not everyone can be as cool as me. He's the best nonetheless.

Just stating facts don't look at me like that okay.  
Well, so back then my friend, his name is John, and I were online chat buddies! #Oldschool , yo.

We used to talk over this chat progam called "Pesterchum". Only the cool kids use it nowadays (actually no one does anymore but damn I wish it'd still be a thing,it was the best). He had this dumb as fuck Chumhandle "ectoBiologist". It's so nerdy isn't it? and he always used (and still does) use this also dumb as fuck " :B " smiley which was supposed to somehow show his own stupidly cute buckteeth. He had back then. (He still has it and it's still the cutest)  
It was so dumb. As dumb as a damn troll trying to understand human romance. Or just romance at all. Well Karkat would certainly be into this shit. "IT'S LOVE STRIDER CAN'T YOU FUCKING SEE IT YOU DAMN NOOKSNIFFING IDIOT." is what he would yell at me from his cuddlefort if he were here but well that's another story.  
God, I'm so easily distracted.

Pesterchum. John. Back to the story. So we used to talk all the damn time and he didn't know I was gifted with the wrong set of bodyparts at birth. Neither did Bro at that time, he was my guardian. Now he's just. Bro.  
Well alright so John and i were talking a lot and at some point he's all like "Yo dave, I have this huge ass present for you and I can't wait to see your face when you see it!!! :B" (that was such a good imitation of him).

So I'm all excited (internally, Striders aren't excited) and he just refuses to tell me what the everloving fuck the present is.  
All those years before I could squish it out of that little dork but back then he just refused. It was frustrating (also internally) and at some point I wasn't even excited anymore. It was only 3 days to my birthday and you know what? He just vanished without a goodbye or shit!  
I was so mad, holy shit. I textwalled until I realised that he wouldn't come back any time soon.

I sat in my room, moping like a child (hey, I was a child okay?) and on my birthday Bro is all like "Yo kid, get your ass out of that fucking room, strifing time" so I picked up my trusty (haha more like rusty) katana and went for the roof. I mean that's where we always strifed and I already prepared for the first blow to come out of nowhere. But guess what I wasn't prepared for sudden surprise hugs so I yelped like a damn girl. And as of back then I wasn't even wearing a binder. I didn't even know shit like that existed. So my best friend/John/dork/guy who knew me as Dave, and only Dave, hugs the shit outta me until for fucking ever.  
As soon as he let's go I look at him in shock (he gladly didn't see it because Striders never leave their room without their shades) and he just stands there smiling at me like a dork for a moment before realising what he had just felt. His best friend/me/cool guy/guy who didn't tell him he was trans, with fucking boobs. Whoops.  
"Dave, why the heck is that soft and squishy?" (I still tease him for the wording. He was so naive and he didn't dare to actually swear, he doesn't until today.)  
And you wanna know what I did?

Wanna guess?  
Just straight forward tell him? Would've been a good idea I guess.  
Shrug it off? Yes, that sounds very Strider-like. But no.  
Put it as if it was some ironic joke? Sounds pretty Strider-like too but nah.  
Run away like an idiot and leave my best buddy standing there after he just came down to Texas from fucking Washington and hide away in my room? That sounds more like it doesn't it? Thats exactly what I did.


	2. bro bonding time or something like that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where I should've been more intelligent than I seem haha.  
> Or not I guess. I mean. It's all dumb rambling anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is chapter 2!  
> I have some things written and im still writing as much as i can so ill hopefully be able to upload within some days always but that depends on who is interested in this and how much school stuff i gotta finish, haha.  
> STILL  
> id love to hear your thoughts to this and if youd prefer something different?  
> as in maybe longer chapters? i keep em that short so i can upload faster so the time span and the length would always correspond. ^^

Okay, I know this might've been the dumbest thing I could've done but what do you expect me to do? I've been terrified and my best friend looked at me as if he didn't even know me!

Alright so he came after me (he doesn't now haha, best joke. Don't judge me like that) and his slightly breaking voice (his voice started (HA) to drop at that time. Mine didn't as you can guess and he teased me about it forever since he didn't know why it didn't drop).  
I locked my room and said that it was none of his business. Dumb idea because he sat down infront of my room like a child and mumbled quietly but just loud enough for me to hear. 

"He's such a dweeb. So stubborn. Why doesn't he just talk about it?" and that was when I heard Bro laugh as loud as I never heard him laugh before (it was creepy and it's still creepy to hear him laugh but he got better at being social and he seems like a human being by now. At least sometimes. Still a creepy fucker).  
"That kid would rather let you sit there forever then to talk about things. I mean that's just how girls are right?"  
I could basically HEAR Johns eyes pop out of his skull at this sentence.  
"What. Wait. Girl. Dave. Girl. Dave." He continued rambling for about 10 minutes (worse than me at that point, I mean...I rambled a lot but I got better. Don't give me this look. Neither you reader nor you there Egbert.)

My eyes widened and I tried to swallow that huge lump that was suddenly stuck in my throat. I opened the door a tiny bit and stuck my head out to look at that boy with the messy black hair and the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I think that was the moment my dumb younger self thought "being gay would be a cool thing" but that is a thing I'll explain later (and there it is, the legendary Egbert eyebrow wiggle. Kill me please he's so embarrasing).

So those damn gorgeous eyes looked at me filled with confusion, conflict and also betrayal.  
"John." (it was one of those rare moments when I used his first name to emphasize something) "This...is a hard thing to explain..."

To give some information to you my dear reader: I had found out that I am Trans right that summer. I did not have the time nor the mental strength to man up and come out to Bro. And I never thought that it was weird when I had introduced myself as Dave to John right the moment we started talking. I hid behind my Chumhandle mostly though. Alright so this is basically why all this chaos started (he actually just snorted, what a nerd). Yeah, yeah I guess we all just stated the fact that I, Dave Strider, am a huge idiot don't roll your eyes at me!

Back to the story though.  
So I pulled him inside and the moment I had closed the door I locked it to prevent Bro from coming in. Even though I kne, if he really wanted to come in he would. This wouldn't have been my first new door (the neighbors look is quite amusing whenever they see us carry in a new door or another new window. We're just not the normal kind of neighbor I guess).  
"John." I said again, looking to the ground. I couldn't look into those eyes which punished me with their sad look.  
"I did NOT lie to you....okay...it's just...hard..." I sat down and sighed as silently as I could because you know, Striders aren't all feelsy.  
He sat down infront of me, keeping some distance though.

"Well then you have plenty of time to explain since I'm staying a week." his voice sounded so cold (he would've made a great Strider at that moment if we forget the fact that he is tall as fuck, with those broad ass shoulders or the blue eyes, plus his damn attractive tan and that BUTT damn - alright i'm way off topic here).  
I chewed on my lip, giving up on my Strider-like behaviour. I looked at him for another moment before sighing again. This time louder.  
"Alright then Egbert, prepare for the story of your damn life because here it goes."  
So we sat there and he listened and I talked. I explained how I felt, how I felt as if I'm my own cage. I explained that I couldn't even really look into the mirror and that it just felt right not to be the trans guy Dave but just. Dave. He nodded here and there and made this nerdy scrunched up nose face whenever he didn't understand something.  
I also explained how I did not know what it was myself until just this summer back then. I guess we sat there for hours, just me explaining and him nodding along. He seemed to be interested though and slowly the betrayal in his eyes began to fade into understanding and excitement.  
At some point he gave me this huge ass Egbert-grin (he's actually giving it to me right this moment too, that dork), all teeth (mostly his buckteeth which he gladly never grew into) and joy.

"I'm so glad that you didn't lie to me Dave I thought I'd lost my best friend there for a second and hey what does it matter whats in your pants I mean you're my bro, it's not like it will ever mean something!" and then he just laughed absolutely innocent and happy. (if he would've known better at this point would he have said it anyways? I mean. Mr. Not-A-Homosexual made my life pretty hard back there).

And this time and only when I was alone with John I allowed myself to smile. To actually smile and not just smirk like it was supposed to for a Strider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it this far my dear reader ^^  
> please leave something as in a comment or kudos!  
> see ya in my next chapter hopefully??
> 
> David


	3. how dare he interrupts me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter and im honestly sorry :/ ill write more tomorrow and hopefully ill upload another chapter or maybe on thursday!

Yeah, I know "Dave why are you so damn feelsy?"  
I am a human being after all, remember?  
And since I have too much time on my hand, why not use this time and do something useful? Whether it is actually useful or not may be your own decision in the end.  
At least it's amusing.  
I mean who even is still reading this? Most of you might've already left after the first paragraph but that doesn't stop me from typing this bullshit anyways.  
(Also I decided not to write anymore while John is sitting next to me because that dork reads it and just smirks or giggles around like the idiot he is. He never appreciated the true beauty of art (VISIBLE IN HIS TASTE FOR MOVIES) ).

Okay, I get it you're not here for my rambling (basically you are because this whole thing is just one huge ramble filled with other rambles. It's fucking Rambleception), you're here for another piece of beauty called my life.  
So where did we leave of? Ah, yeah. Egbert and me being all close best buddy when we were alone.  
The week was pretty funny afterwards. We sat there played video games until it was late at night or I showed him my sick beats until he begged me to turn down the volume. Well if we're honest he never did (but the neighbors did, more than once).

Bro even brought us Doritos and my beloved AJ. I even let John drink some of it, aren't I the greatest? I know I- abjkfjbhevkw (And there comes the huge thing that once was Casey. The lovely bubble-blowing lizard is still lovely and bubble-blowing. But by now she is FUCKING HUGE. Wasn't she supposed to be a small salamander? And she's heavy too. Like her nerdy Dad)  
But what I wanted to say was: I know I am.

I still hadn't talked to Bro about the whole thing and John always kind of shuddered whenever Bro would use the wrong name. The wrong pronoun.  
But ain't no Strider existin' who's bein' fooled by a kid.  
So I guess now that I'm old enough....he knew. He knew before I did. And that dick left me to suffer there (I love him but he was and still is a dick. A damn wrinkly old man dick by now but still a dick).  
(Okay not that old but still).  
I totally forgot where I left off damn.

Okay so, Bro and John....ah yes okay I'm back.

The week. He stayed the whole week and we dorked around like idiots (John just yelled that it's not a verb. How does he even read this from the bedroom? Fuck you then Egbert. Let me continue the story).  
We even watched his favorite movie. Con Air. How can one human have such horrible taste in movies or just anything. Well not anything but you know. You get the idea.  
So the time passed and at some point he couldn't sleep nd crawled in my bed. Not that I complain but what a baby. [SIDENOTE :B I'm not a baby!!!!] (Egbert get out of here!)  
(How does he do that? Captor that ass must've helped him. Damn it)

Jesus, alright now actually back to the story. We called it the absolutely not gay bro-snuggles. As I said i didn't complain but lil Egboy was still 100 percent sure he wasn't gay. What a terribly wrong thought.  
The last night he sat there listening to me mixing some good stuff I mean I was pretty damn great at mxing music back then and I still am.  
And at some point he closed his eyes and just smiled, nodding along.

Thoe stupidly big buckteeth showed and it would've looked hilarious to everyone but i couldn't look away. My hands kept pushing buttons and pushing and pulling the triggers but it was automatic because i just stood there looking at the dork that was my best friend right that moment.  
Until he RUINED it entirely. Once again. He slowly rocked back and forth and it looked wanted but he toppled over and the last thing you heard before I kicked him awake was his loud snoring. How dare he'd fall asleep while I was enjoying the view!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks a lot for thinking this here is worth reading <3
> 
> David


	4. make up break up fuck up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John being an ass and me being basically the huge fucking idiot everyone already thinks I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry that this one came late as fuck! I had it done by Sunday but my WiFi has problems so I'm only on data qwq
> 
> thanks for reading this though!!!!
> 
> ~David

And then there was the day he had to leave.  
He even cried and it was kind of sad. I didn't want to see him like that, I wanted my best buddy to be happy!  
The last thing he said was "See you Dave." with such a big dorky but still sad smile. We both had enjoyed this week but we also knew that he had to leave no matter what.

Life was a bitch and we knew it. I waved until he was out of sight, I even waited until his flight wasn't visible on the sky anymore. How dare he'd give me the experience of having my best friend with me just to leave like that again.

To be honest I really thought that for some time. I thought why he'd just leave like that. What was the point in meeting if he left again anyways.  
I was young and dumb. (Egbert stop reading, I can hear you laughing in the kitchen.)  
Okay so lets get this straight, I'm not dumb. I was just young.

But the point of all of this is pretty easy. My friend had left again and so my everyday life came back. Strifing Bro, dodging smuppets, texting John, Jade and Rose. Also drink a ton of AJ in a huge teenage depression.  
They were scared anyways because the time we both had each other we totally forgot that there's also something called the internet.

So yeah, you can imagine how this went. I mean it's not as if we left them alone there, they knew John was with me!

(Don't you dare even think about lecturing me. No. Just No.)

And that is when I missed him more. And more. It didn't even stop the moment we found out about things like Skype. We used to video call and talk. But at some point all we did was stare and smile at each other. Mostly me smirking and him smiling like a dork but you get the idea.

It was after about a month of video calling when he asked what I wanna do about Bro.  
He said it all the time. "Tell him! He might be able to help!"  
But what if he wouldn't? What if he'd say "Kid it's only a phase."? Everyone is scared to come out to someone, even if there is no actual reason. So I've been scared for quite a time until John was so done with my complaining because he kind of forced me to tell him.  
John looked at me with this intense stare and I couldn't but melt under those blue oceans. "You gotta tell him Dave."

"We had this John." He puffed his cheeks and looked at me as if he'd punch me if he could. "You're just a coward!" Yes, yes he was mad at me you guessed right.  
(He's so easily mad. He still is. I just have to say "Yo, forgot to buy food for Casey" and he kicks me out to get it. Metaphorically.)

"Give me a damn break bro! You're always totally in my face with this 'Coming out' shit! But that's not your problem okay?!"

And this is how I had fucked up again.  
The last thing I saw before the call had ended was his painfilled eyes and a small tear rolling down his face.  
And the idiot I am, I did not notice what i fucked up until I realised a small window on my Computer the next morning.

A Pesterchum window which i recognised easily.  
Of course I thought it'd be John trying to make up but all the window said was

ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 4:34 AM:

EB: alright dave.  
EB: or whoever that is I called my best friend.  
EB: I won't be friends with a liar. Bye dave.  
ectoBiologist [EB] blocked turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:01 AM.

[He was a butt back then and I was so upset, I am pretty sorry about it though because how could I have known how he felt DX bluuuuh]  
(John, fucking leave my text document alone wtf- How did he change the settings for his lines there? I can't delete 'em Egbert you fucking butt. Jfc!)

So to say, hell just started and I didn't even know how to fix it because in the end he had blocked me everywhere and Jade was mad at me for "being a douchybutt" as she said. Rose wanted to give me a feelings jam session but I declined politely. How should I talk about something that I didn't even fully get myself.  
I just wanted my best friend and dork back. But as if I'd admit that right?

So as you can guess, yes, I moped around in my room. I locked it and for the first time Bro didn't break it down like Jack Torrance from Shining. I mean Bro would obviously use a sword and not a shitty axe but the picture is clear isn't it.

But after like a month and a half even Bro had no neves for my bullshit anymore. And he gave me the full fucking grown up daddy talk.  
(I know what you're thinking there and it's dirty. Bad reader. very ,very bad reader. Naughty kid.)

He looked at me like "Kid get your ass up and move out or I'll kick your ass out of your room".  
And then he sat there on my bed talking like an actual father even though he was my older brother. It was so hard to listen to his words because all in all I was so damn stunned. How was this man able to talk that much? he barely ever talked...so why now?!

But then he said things like "That's just how boys work and you won't understand that kiddo, it's not a girl thing." That was the moment I clenched my fists and crossed my arms.

"Sup kid, why're you so tense?" He knew why, but he didn't know how I'd explode the moment I'd come out to him. And neither did I.

**Author's Note:**

> As said before, thank you!  
> Stay tuned for the next chapter if you liked it!  
> Lots of love!  
> ~David~


End file.
